"Break me."
"Just promise you'll put me back together when we're done."
Hokuto never loved someone so much.
No one had ever been so precious.
If Taiga asked him to break him, Hokuto would fall to his knees to adore and worship each piece as he came apart.
His heart pounded as he kissed Taiga again. He nudged their lips apart to taste Taiga’s tongue once more, feeling the heat of Taiga’s fingers run through his hair before leaving hot trails down along his spine.
Hokuto had felt Taiga's thin frame through his clothes countless times as they slept, but as he felt his smooth skin for the first time, his fingers moved slowly, memorizing every curve and dip, sending shivers through Taiga's body.
When the tips of Hokuto's fingers tapped against the leather belt of his pants, Taiga flinched, gasping into Hokuto's mouth in surprise.
It was adorable how embarrassed Taiga became from virtually nothing at all, but it made Hokuto worried, wondering if this would be possible at all.
Hokuto pressed concerned kisses into jaw and neck, his hand retreating back to Taiga's waist.
"... Are you sure this is okay?..."
Despite the way his cheeks flushed red and his eyes were shut tight, Taiga still rolled his head to the side, leaving more of his neck for Hokuto to trail his lips across his skin.
As much as he was flustered, he wanted Hokuto just as much.
He had waited far too long to feel his embrace.
Taiga wasn't going to waste another minute to be consumed by it.
His arms tightened around the back of Hokuto's neck as Taiga hummed from the feel of his tongue against his throat and gave a small nod.
"Don't stop."
Hokuto told Taiga his love through the firm lingering kisses he pressed under his ear as he returned his fingers to the buckle of his belt that came undone with a smooth click.
As Hokuto started with the button and zipper, he kissed Taiga again, rolling their lips together softly to reassure him over and over that he would never hurt him.
Not again. Not ever.
The fabric of Taiga's pants stuck to his legs from the rain, but Hokuto took his time, running his fingers along and down the cold skin of Taiga's thin thighs and calves before unhooking the heels of his socks on his feet before abandoning them all together on the floor.
Taiga's heart skipped when he heard the heavy clothing fall to the wood floor, but he had no time to dwell on how bare his legs were before a sound he had never heard himself make burst from his throat.
"Ahh–!!”
Hokuto had only brushed the back of his knuckles over the top of his underwear where the tent was growing within it before Taiga was grabbing at his wrist.
Heated pants left Taiga's chest as Hokuto kissed and whispered softly against the hair over his temple.
"Taiga?..."
Taiga squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers tightening around Hokuto's withdrawing hand.
As much as he wanted this, his body had moved on its own. While he had only recently understood romance, intimacy was another subject. He was even surprised by his own reaction, but he just hoped he hadn't scared Hokuto away. He really did want this. He didn't want to wait.
"Sorry, I–...I'm just not used to this–" he breathed. "It's embarrassing–"
"I see…"
As he was making his excuse, Hokuto pulled away. Taiga blinked, watching with worried eyes as his grasp slipped from his wrist, but in the next moment, he found Hokuto leading his hand to the buckle of his own belt.
He stared as his nails tapped against the metal clasp, nearly speechless as he saw the bulge that pressed through the black slacks he saw Hokuto wear time and time again during work.
“Would it be less embarrassing if I went first?...”
Taiga didn't respond, but only a beat later, his finger was slipping into the belt’s loop, pulling it loose from its buckle.
When the zipper came undone, Taiga could almost feel the heat that came through the damp fabric of Hokuto's boxer briefs against his fingers. It was almost hypnotizing seeing the outline of Hokuto's sex, thick and swollen, only hidden by one layer of fabric as Hokuto led his hand to lay over it.
It was indeed hot, Taiga barely hearing the hiss from Hokuto's teeth as he moved his fingers along the outlines of the arousal, if not by his curiosity, then the fire that was slowly growing in his stomach.
"Taiga…" Hokuto breathed, folding his hand over Taiga's to press a long stroke up his hidden length. "... It feels good."
Hokuto clenched his teeth when Taiga rolled the pad of his finger over the tip that was held back only by the waistband of Hokuto's underwear.
"D-does it?..."
"Mhm…"
Hokuto pulled Taiga's hand from him before he leaned back over him, kissing him and setting his hands on Taiga's waist to pull his hips against his.
"I want you to feel good too."
Taiga nearly saw stars when Hokuto rolled their hips together.
He gripped at Hokuto's forearms as he moaned jaggedly and hooked his ankles behind Hokuto's waist without another thought.
Hokuto continued to smoothly rock their hips as they kissed, quietly melting into each other's heat while they shared their breath. Slow moans rumbled in Taiga's throat as the pleasure built in his stomach, his legs shifting and squeezing against Hokuto's sides with each push of his hips.
"Hokuto–..." He breathed, burying his fingers in Hokuto's damp hair as Hokuto began to lick and kiss the soft skin along his neck.
"Does it feel good?...” Hokuto whispered.
He nodded.
“... It feels good……”
Hokuto wrapped Taiga tightly in his arms as their lips met again. Hokuto’s body heat alone was enough to start making him feel dizzy as Hokuto sucked on his tongue. The slow rolling pressure made his whole body feel fuzzy and each strong press of their hips made his skin prickle with pleasure.
If this was just the start, Taiga wasn't sure how he would survive.
He was already completely caught in the palm of Hokuto’s hand.
“Hokuto—...”
“I–... I can’t—”
His pleas were broken between their kisses as Taiga felt himself reaching his limit. Hokuto heard them loud and clear while he kissed him again, but only to leave him with a last quick peck before pulling away.
Taiga nearly gasped when the cold air chilled his skin that had become so hot, including his erection that was on the verge of release. Hokuto watched as his partner’s hips squirmed for a second after, wanting the needed friction to push him over the edge, but as the haze faded from his eyes, all that was left was complete confusion and frustration.
It made Hokuto smile a little as he kissed the crease between Taiga’s brow.
"Sorry, Taiga…" he said, quickly following it with quick kisses to his lips.
"I just want to make you feel good for a bit longer."
As much as Taiga wanted to complain, Hokuto's warm hands traveling along his body made him forget his irritation, followed by the kisses placed on his navel and his hips.
Reflecting on it later, Taiga would feel embarrassed by how smoothly Hokuto had hooked his knees over his shoulders, but the yearning for a release clouded his mind as he only focused on how Hokuto slipped the band of his briefs off his hips to expose his arousal. In the moment, embarrassment didn’t matter anymore. He couldn't feel embarrassed when his fingers were buried back in Hokuto's hair once Hokuto gently teased the base of his length with his tongue.
Taiga's moans squeaked in his throat as he bit back his voice, his knees buckling in while Hokuto worshipped the sensitive skin, kissing and licking its shaft.
Hokuto's blood rushed, watching the way Taiga's hips squirmed when he finally took him into his hand.
"You're cute…"
Taiga wanted to protest, but only a gasp came from his lips when he was wrapped in the tight heat of Hokuto's mouth.
How could Hokuto call him cute?...
Hokuto was attractive even with a mouthful of his length.
Taiga threw his head back as Hokuto began to work his lips up and down his shaft, moving slowly and ensuring to swirl his tongue against the tip. He hated to think of the reasons why Hokuto was so good of a lover, but he couldn't stop himself from basking in it.
His hands tightened in Hokuto's hair as he groaned, following the steady movements of his head while heat built in his stomach.
If he was close to coming before, there was nothing stopping him from coming now.
"Hokuto–!! W-wait—! Stop– I-I'm–!"
Needless to say, Hokuto didn't let go.
Rather, he pinned Taiga's hips down into his bed to make sure he took in all of his release.
Taiga's back arched as he came, stars building in his eyes with a strained moan rolling from his raised chest as he filled Hokuto's mouth.
Hokuto let it pour over his tongue, even as more came from the pulses that followed, allowing it to leak past his lips and slide down his throat as he swallowed to Taiga's dismay.
"Hey—"
Even as Taiga pulled at his hair, it didn't stop Hokuto from licking his lips and cleaning the rest of it with his tongue.
“Y-you’re being unfair–...”
Taiga sighed a breath as Hokuto returned to him, allowing Taiga to cup his cheeks as he apologized softly against his jaw.
“I’m sorry… You were just so breathtaking–...”
Hokuto’s words made his cheeks flush, but only because of how they were so sincere.
Taiga felt that if he had told Hokuto to never do it again, he would have sworn his life to never repeat it, but that wasn't what Taiga wanted. When he told Hokuto to break him, he meant it. He wanted Hokuto to love him in every way that there was.
It was about time for Taiga to show his love back.
Hokuto’s chest lurched as he gasped, hiding himself in Taiga’s shoulder.
“T-Taiga– Wait–”
His hips rocked into the hand that slipped under his waistband to wrap around his heat before giving a hiss, feeling the way it squeezes around it.
“Y-you don't have to– Just let me take care of you. I'm happy enough seeing you feel good. I—”
Hokuto knew he wasn't exactly being convincing when he couldn't stop from pushing himself into Taiga’s hand, and he could tell Taiga wasn't buying his lies either from the way he began to slowly pump his shaft. A shuddering sigh escaped his chest as he dug his fingers into his own sheets in an attempt to restrain him from bucking his hips.
“… Am I doing it alright?...” Taiga asked.
Hokuto pressed his lips to his neck, nodding quietly in reply.
After all these years, Taiga’s innocence was still endearing.
His hand was clumsy. It was unsure how to pleasure anyone else besides its owner, but it was eager to please as it pumped his length in earnest. It still felt good. Even as it fumbled with the odd angle as Hokuto slowly moved his lips up Taiga's neck with heavy breaths.
“Keep going–... Please…”
In the end, clumsy or not, it was still Taiga. And the fact that he was willing to do this for him at all was enough for sparks to scatter through Hokuto’s body.
He had given up on ever loving him before assuming he had any chance to be this close to him. Just the touch of Taiga’s fingers on his skin was enough to make it burn and his voice was enough to set his heart aflame.
Taiga was here.
He was in his arms.
That was more than enough.
“Taiga–... I’m close—”
Hokuto’s breath hitched as he bit at his bottom lip, his hips rolling into Taiga’s hand one last time before coming undone. It spilled over Taiga’s grip and over his stomach, making Hokuto curse as he finally pulled himself away from Taiga to see the mess.
Had he not been so embarrassed, seeing Taiga stained with the product of his arousal would have been a turn on, but he couldn't help but think about how Taiga had never experienced intimacy with anyone, no less another man. And now, his hand was soiled with the results of it.
They had come so far, but his lust wasn't strong enough to blind himself from Taiga’s hesitancy with each step they took forward.
He wanted to love him. Not just have sex with him.
He wanted Taiga to know he had his whole heart and more.
Hokuto started to apologize, quickly pulling a tissue from the box at his bedside. “Sorry Taiga, let me—” He began to wipe both Taiga and his fingers clean, but trailed off as Taiga kissed his cheek before slowly traveling them down to his neck.
“It's okay…” he heard him mutter against his collar. “... Was it good?...”
It made Hokuto want to apologize a million times over.
He hated how much time they lost.
How badly he wished he could have basked in Taiga’s sweetness so much sooner.
Hokuto whispered another sorry against his temple with a kiss. “It was good… Thank you…”
“Can we continue?...”
Taiga nodded.
Hokuto hastily tossed out the tissue to grab condoms and lubricant instead.
“....... Please don't make that face…”
As Hokuto set down the items beside them, he could see the small twist of Taiga’s lips. Neither of them were exactly unused, because they weren't. The cardboard box was already torn open and the bottle was noticeably less than full.
It was no secret that Hokuto had a partner before and they weren't untouched even after they parted. It was just the reality they lived in, but that didn't mean Hokuto’s heart belonged to Taiga any less. Taiga understood that, even as he watched Hokuto’s eyebrows knit, but he couldn't help but envy that there was a piece of Hokuto he could never have.
Hokuto had taken so many of his firsts, his first love, his first relationship, his first intimacy, while Hokuto had given them away so long ago.
There wasn't much left to take even if Taiga wanted to. He couldn't help but feel a deep jealousy he knew he couldn't soon cure as Hokuto carefully kissed his forehead before muttering apologies.
“I'm yours… I'm all yours, I promise…” he said softly. “I swear…”
When Taiga moved back, he could see the flash of anxiety in Hokuto’s eyes. After all, their wounds were still fresh and there was no doubt they had yet to heal and the last thing Taiga wanted to do was hurt him. He had hurt him enough.
He just wanted to be a little selfish.
He wanted to have at least one of Hokuto’s firsts.
“I know,” Taiga spoke as he untangled himself from Hokuto’s limbs only to take his hand and pull him onto the bed with him. “I know…”
Hokuto stayed silent as he was nearly entranced by the way Taiga tucked his knees to his chest to slowly remove his last item of clothing, the band of his underwear unhooking from his ankle to be thrown to the side, leaving Taiga before him completely bare.
Even when he thought he had seen almost everything, Taiga made his heart throb and jump in ways he never knew possible as Taiga covered himself with his hands and his knees pressed together, appearing shy as if his lips hadn't already been all over his body.
Still, somehow, Hokuto felt his breath get caught in his chest when Taiga took the bottle, spreading his legs over Hokuto’s lap to give him the whole view. When Hokuto reached out to take the lube to help, Taiga shook his head, making him stop in his tracks and Taiga simply told him “don't touch.”
“Only watch.”
When the bottle snapped open, Hokuto swore his throat went completely dry. He watched the liquid slowly coat and cover Taiga’s palm before spreading over his fingers. It glistened on his skin, the sparse lights making it shine, even as Taiga carefully painted it over his entrance, covering the muscles with the slick.
Taiga shut his eyes tightly as he massaged his fingertips over his hole, letting out a shaky breath as the pad of his index began to push in. “A-are… Are you watching?...” he asked.
Hokuto hadn't looked away.
Hokuto’s eyes hadn't left Taiga’s body the moment he had led him into the bed.
It was true that while Hokuto had other partners, Taiga was his first boy. He felt no hesitancy when it came to touching or even using his own mouth, but being made to just simply sit and watch made him take in the anatomy that matched his own in a whole different way.
Biologically, it didn't make sense. The action of sex was made to reproduce and with two men it wasn't possible.
But Hokuto wasn't sure if he had ever been more turned on before.
Taiga’s entrance was such a pretty shade of pink and it was so sexy in the way it accepted his thin finger inside of it. It twitched around, syncing with the small sounds from Taiga’s throat as it slowly pushed in. Hokuto swore his mouth began to water as he only watched, being forced to deal with the throbbing that only got worse as Taiga’s finger began to slowly slide in and out from inside himself. His hands dug into the fabric of his slacks as he couldn't tear his eyes away, seeing the way the muscle hesitantly stretched to accept another finger within.
“Taiga…”
His body clenched for a moment when Hokuto’s deep breathless voice reached his ears.
Taiga knew that he asked for this, but even with his eyes closed, the weight of Hokuto’s eyes was almost unbearable. It felt like he was holding food before a starving dog that was told to sit and wait. He almost couldn't take it. The pressure was so intense when the only sounds in the room were the wet noises of lubrication and their heavy breaths. But Taiga kept moving his fingers, adding another finger inside.
He kept going, because he wanted Hokuto to remember.
Taiga couldn't have many of Hokuto’s firsts, but he knew at least he was his first man, and as his first man, he could show him something he had never seen, even at the cost of his own dignity.
“Nn–.... Hhh…..”
He covered his mouth with his free hand as he began to spread them within him.
“Taiga–... Does it… feel good?...”
“It's… str-strange–”
It was hard to describe the sensation as good. It wasn't that it was painful, but the best way he could describe it was that something was just somewhere where it shouldn't be. It was a dull churning movement that was radiating from a place he never considered touching before as his fingers continued to stretch the ring of muscles.
It didn't exactly feel good, but when the heat of Hokuto’s hands placed on his thighs, his fingers pushed deeper.
“I-I said no–… no touching–...” Taiga said through his strained voice, trying to ignore the way Hokuto’s hands slowly caressed up his legs.
“I'm not touching there, though… Is that alright?”
Taiga wanted to say no, but the heat of Hokuto’s hands made it hard to resist as it radiated against his skin, warming his blood and his body as he slowly added a third finger with a wince.
“J-just… No-... no more…”
“Okay…”
Hokuto listened obediently as he did nothing more than watch and draw small circles on his thighs with his fingers, though it did much more than Taiga expected Hokuto could imagine.
Just watching the way Hokuto’s eyes stayed locked on his slowly moving fingers and the way his grip unconsciously tightened every time Taiga couldn't hold back a gasp made the feeling inside him feel hotter.
He knew that as soon as he said he was ready, Hokuto would be inserting himself inside him. Matsumura Hokuto would be putting his penis in a place it shouldn't be and would be thrusting and churning himself into him in the act they called sex.
When he looked at Hokuto’s waiting erection in front of him, it almost felt like it was taunting him.
Even when it was covered again for a moment of decency, Taiga could see how thick it was under the thin fabric and could remember how long it was in his hands.
Was this really possible?...
Taiga had asked him to break him, but when being face to face with it, he couldn't help but begin to doubt it was even possible, but there was no world where he would deny Hokuto now.
He wanted to feel that intimacy that was made for lovers. Even if it hurt. Even if it was painful.
For Hokuto, he was willing to give himself his everything.
To have that love that they knew was only meant for them.
“Taiga… I can't anymore–”
When Hokuto kissed him, Taiga didn't resist. His hungry kisses felt good as he quickly took his mouth and tangled their tongues, distracting Taiga from the hand that was placed over his at his entrance.
“Mnn–... W-wait–... Hoku–Hokuto–nn–”
“I can't wait anymore…” Hokuto panted against his lips, pulling Taiga’s own fingers out from inside him.
“I'll go crazy if I wait any longer–”
Taiga nearly lost his breath when Hokuto’s fingers pushed deep inside. His body shuddered and flinched as Hokuto claimed his lips, hardly giving him a chance to breathe.
He moaned in his throat as Hokuto’s fingers moved in a way unlike his own. Taiga would have felt jealous thinking about how Hokuto’s hands were so skilled if his brain hadn't been melting from the way they made a heat that was so different from when he had done it himself.
Hokuto’s fingers were thicker, more robust and knowledgeable as they moved within him. The sensation that was so foreign and odd compared to when done on his own. It was completely different when it was someone else's skin and someone else's heat.
Yet, it still wasn't something exactly like pleasure. There was still a dullness compared to the spark when being stimulated from the front. There was certainly something with knowing another person was touching the most private parts of his body and in the dull pain of his muscles being stretched. He could feel Hokuto’s fingers exploring and pressing against his inner walls as if searching for something, but Taiga had just thought it was all part of the act until suddenly shocks shot through his body, making him tear away from their kiss just to gasp for air.
“A-aahh–!!”
“Found it.”
Found what?...
Taiga didn't have a chance to find out before his body began to be consumed by waves of pleasure pulsing through him as Hokuto kneaded his finger into that spot inside him. He gasped as he hastily threw his arms around Hokuto’s neck, his hips shivering and jerking with Hokuto’s teasing of his prostate.
“Ahh–!! Nnghhh–... H-Hokuto wait– T-That place—!!”
He writhed as Hokuto’s fingers massaged over the spot inside him, slowly rocking and pushing while Taiga’s legs squeezed against his sides.
That heat was building in him again at an uncontrollable pace. Taiga could hardly keep his head up to speed as he already felt himself overflowing with a firm press and nudging of Hokuto’s fingers.
“S-Stop–!! H-Hoku–to… P-please–!! I-I’ll–!!”
How many more times would he be coming before they even had sex?...
His head was already turning strange before Hokuto had put it inside him as he spilled over his stomach.
If that was possible with just fingers, then…
Hokuto could feel Taiga’s insides squeezing with shame around his fingers as he continued to slowly churn his hand in an even rhythm as if to comfort him.
But as he kissed Taiga’s neck and massaged Taiga’s thigh slowly with his hand, Taiga knew his true motivations.
“Taiga…”
Hokuto’s breath was so hot against his skin as Taiga’s arms tightened around him.
“Can I… can I put it in?...”
Taiga wasn't sure if his answer really mattered when the feeling of Hokuto fingers were replaced with an undeniable heat rubbing against his stretched entrance.
Just the subtle prod at the muscle made Taiga shudder as he cupped Hokuto’s cheek to kiss him before pushing him back by his chest. It almost scared him how dark and hazy Hokuto’s eyes were as they bore into him.
But he saw that darkness flicker as he took one of the wrappers from the opened box to tear the foil packet open before pulling down the elastic band on Hokuto’s underwear. The condom rolled smoothly on his length, already slick from the lubricant in the packaging.
As they both watched Taiga slowly line Hokuto up to himself, Taiga pressed their foreheads together.
“Mhm…” he hummed softly.
“J-just not too— ah–!! Nnnhn–!”
It was painful.
It burned and hurt as Hokuto began to push himself in, but Taiga didn't have a moment to complain as Hokuto kissed him and claimed his tongue. His whines and whimpers leaked from between their lips and Hokuto slowly caressed his sides to comfort him. His thumbs rubbed soft circles into his skin to ease him as Taiga’s knees pushed in against his waist.
“Does it hurt?...” Hokuto asked softly, only to receive a hit of Taiga’s palm against his shoulder.
“O-of course it does— it– it hurts like hell—,” Taiga hissed, clenching his teeth. “Why do you— have to be s-so big—”
“Should I pull it out–”
“No!!”
Taiga clung to him, his breath still labored as he allowed him to fall backwards, bringing Hokuto down with him.
Hokuto’s brow furrowed as Taiga let out another whine of pain as his member incidentally pushed in further. It was honestly taking everything in Hokuto to not push the rest of himself in, but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him.
He had already hurt him enough.
Taiga mumbled into his ear as Hokuto held him and held himself back while Taiga trembled in his hold.
“No–... Don't take it out… J-just… just stay like this for a while…”
“Okay…”
Hokuto held still as he slowly ran his hands up and down Taiga’s trembling spine. His wide palms warmed his skin as Taiga quietly asked him to kiss him to which Hokuto quickly complied.
Taiga felt like a consoled child. Hokuto was patiently soothing him and the pain that was slowly subsiding with the heat of his hands as he obediently gave him the gentle kisses he had asked for. He couldn't help but feel a little selfish and guilty for his inexperience.
Even though Hokuto was patiently comforting him and spoiling him with sweet kisses, Taiga could feel the mass that was twitching and throbbing inside him.
Every time his hips did as much as shift or his legs squeezed, he could feel the tensing muscles in Hokuto’s back under his arms and the desperately awaiting length that Taiga knew wanted nothing more than to push deeper.
Taiga wanted it deeper too.
He wanted to be consumed by him.
Broken by him. Scorched by him.
“H-Hokuto–... I-it’s fine now…”
“N-no… I can tell it still hurts. We can wait–”
Taiga shook his head.
“I don't care– J-just do it–”
“But Taiga–”
“Please…”
Just as long as Hokuto left his imprint on his skin as he went up in flames, the details didn't matter.
He just wanted Hokuto’s mark to be left behind as he fell apart.
Taiga’s head flung back when Hokuto’s hips finally met his.
He was breathless for a moment as his muscles tightened and seized from the pain while Hokuto pressed apologies against his throat.
His lips were hot as sorries poured from them, but his hips rebelled, unable to keep from rutting and rolling into him while Hokuto gasped.
“Taiga… I-I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“It feels… so good… I’m sorry… Y-you’re so hot– I’m sorry–”
Taiga dug his nails into Hokuto’s skin as he clung to him. His ankles hooked with each other behind Hokuto’s back while he buried himself against his shoulder.
His stomach was so full.
The pain was almost as surreal as the act as he felt each twitch and throb deep inside him.
Hokuto was inside him. His length was buried into his body that had opened up to accept him.
He was having sex.
With a man.
With Hokuto.
He was having sex with Hokuto.
Taiga almost wanted to laugh at how unbelievable that all sounded.
Every part of it seemed outrageous when reflecting on the person he was just five years ago, that person who didn't want to understand love.
But now, here he was, wrapped up and burning under another man’s heat, pressed into another man’s bed.
It was crazy.
It was crazy how happy he was.
“Taiga–...”
Hokuto’s voice against his ear made him shudder.
“Can… I move?...”
Hokuto felt Taiga’s arms squeeze around him before a breathless voice replied.
“S-... Slowly…”
Carefully, Hokuto began to move.
His hands took and gently caressed along Taiga’s thighs as he pressed kisses against the corner of his jaw and the curve of his neck, listening to Taiga’s uneven breaths.
He wanted Taiga to feel as good as he did, but all he could sense from him was pain. His hips were fighting every urge to relentlessly seek pleasure in a heightened rhythm, but the broken gasps and bitten back grunts that came from Taiga’s chest made him keep the tauntingly slow pace.
Hokuto couldn't help but feel guilty, but for once in this relationship, they had nothing but time.
Taiga was in his arms and had his heart. Even if it didn't happen today, he knew he would still be there tomorrow.
After waiting five years, time was no matter.
He moved slowly with shallow thrusts, giving ample time to gently rock their hips. No matter how much his arousal wanted to find its ecstasy, he was gentle as Taiga’s body steadily grew hot. The painful whimpers slowly melted into quiet whines as Taiga wrapped his arms tightly around Hokuto’s shoulders when they kissed, their tongues roughly tangling.
It still felt odd.
This was the first time Taiga had ever felt something like this, to be pulled apart and filled to the point of breaking while the heat drew sweat from his skin and harsh breaths from his chest. It was so painful, but as the pain slowly waned, it only left the feeling of Hokuto inside him.
It wasn't immediately pleasurable. It felt weird as Hokuto slowly rolled his hips, moving himself in places Taiga never imagined could be touched. But it's been said that the pleasure of intercourse was more than the stimulation of the reproductive organs that made the action less violating and more desirable. After all, evolution didn't gain anything from sex between two men.
Part of the pleasure was who it was with. Ingrained in the performance of the act was the sharing in it with a partner whose desires were just as deep as their own.
Taiga couldn't deny that watching Hokuto grit his teeth with his fingers dug into his sheets didn't spark something in his stomach. It gave the heat inside him a whole other meaning when he could see the flexing of his abs as he resisted the urge to move any faster while a strangled sigh came from throat when it went all the way in.
“H-Hoku-to…”
His hips stopped as Hokuto pulled back to meet his eyes. “Huh?...”
The knitting of Taiga’s brow had softened and the pain in his eyes were replaced with a warm watery look as he took Taiga’s hands to interlace them with his against the mattress.
Taiga’s fingers tightened around his as he spoke again.
“Is everything okay?...” Hokuto asked.
Taiga nodded.
“Mmn… I-its… it's still– s-strange, but–... b-but….”
“Hm?”
“I-it… feels… good…”
Hokuto was surprised he hadn't burst a vein.
He wasn't sure he took a single breath between raising Taiga's hips from the bed and drawing himself out to thrust himself back in.
The flicker of pleasure he saw in Taiga's eyes made him happier than he should have been, but once it started, he couldn't stop.
The pace was still slow, but now he was just that much deeper with each strong thrust. Each time their hips met, making the soft sounds of contacting skin as Hokuto hissed, watching Taiga squirm below him.
“Aahh–!! N-no–nnhh—- H-Hoku–to–haahh!!”
Taiga couldn't stop the moans breaking loose from his chest. The pain he once felt had become a dull throb as Hokuto’s length reached that spot inside him, making his insides shudder and send sparks up his spine.
He had never heard himself make noises like this before. He wanted so badly to cover his mouth or muffle his voice with anything at all, but his hands remained bound in Hokuto’s grip. Even when he bit his bottom lip and tried to hold it in, just a few more thrusts and a long roll of their hips made him lose himself as the heat sank deeper into him.
“H-aah–!... Ahh—!!... Nnghh—!... Aaa–hh–!!”
A week ago, Hokuto would have never believed that something like this would happen. A week ago, Taiga felt so far away like a distant voice that was growing softer and softer until he forgot what that soft mid tenor tone sounded like. He was so sure that love was destined to die after its existence went from being painful to so sweet to completely gone from his grasp.
But now Taiga was being pinned down by him in his bed after that quiet voice asked him to hold him. That voice that was now crystal clear was panting and moaning as his manhood was claiming and stretching open his body.
It truly didn't feel real, even as he watched himself push deeper inside him, making the man he had been desperately pining for squirm with pleasure.
His control was slowly breaking away with each moan and squeeze of Taiga’s fingers between his.
Taiga thanked him for teaching him love, but now he wanted to teach him pleasure.
He let go of Taiga’s hands only to slowly mold and squeeze his flat chest, reveling in the way it made him fluster and groan before pinching and prodding his thumbs into the hardening buds.
His hips gave long rolling grinds as he leaned down to suck and nip and the reddening skin, loving the way Taiga whined before digging his fingers in his hair.
Taiga was beginning to feel the pleasure of this sex and Hokuto wanted nothing except for Taiga to desire and feel it more.
Taiga gasped when he felt Hokuto suddenly pull out. His eyes were moist and hot as he peered over at Hokuto, equal parts confused and frustrated while he watched Hokuto sit back before he pulled at his hips to roll him over.
“W-wait— No– Hokuto–!!”
Though Taiga protested, his body moved obediently as Hokuto raised his hips and placed his knees together.
Taiga tried to look at him from over his shoulder, but sooner found his face buried into Hokuto’s pillow as Hokuto pushed himself back inside.
“Nnggh–! Haahh–.......”
His hips rocked with each of Hokuto’s thrusts. It made him shudder as he gathered the pillow full of Hokuto’s scent into his arms and let his body move by the will of his pleasure and Hokuto’s control.
Without the distraction of Hokuto’s face, all Taiga had left to focus on was the feeling of Hokuto inside him and the obscene sounds of their sex. Each time Hokuto pushed his hips into him, his body responded with the wet noises of the lubricant that allowed his body to accept him. In a way, it was filthy, but it was absurdly raw and human in the way they had sex and sought mutual pleasure.
He was exposing every embarrassing inch of himself. To another human, he was showing the most shameless version of himself he never knew he had. He was moaning in an unfamiliar voice until his throat grew dry and his legs lost all strength in their knees. Taiga could only guess this was simply the cost for the feeling of this kind of ecstasy, but that didn't really matter.
As Hokuto pushed him down into the bed with his chest hot against his back, it felt good. His body was being kneaded and molded into a shape made by Hokuto’s hands. By his love.
He would surely show him much more embarrassing sides of himself. He had already seen the worst of him. Taiga was happy to have the chance to show him.
“Haah— nnh-... Mmhhn—!”
“Haa... Taiga—”
Hokuto wrapped his arms around him, pressing Taiga tightly against him as he rocked himself into his deepest parts. He could feel the pounding of Taiga’s heart in his hold and the desperate shaking of his lungs fighting for air as he bit and left marks on his shoulder.
All of Taiga’s moans were being captured and muffled by the pillow tangled in his arms. As cute as it was, Hokuto didn't like it. He didn't want anything to obscure anything that came from Taiga. Even when it was as simple as his voice, it wasn't enough. He wanted everything.
The pillow fell to the floor after Hokuto yanked it from Taiga’s arms, tossing it aside. Taiga hardly had a moment to be surprised from the sudden vacancy in his arms before Hokuto was tugging at his chin from underneath him, turning it for their lips to meet.
Their tongues roughly tangled as Taiga gasped between their lips, the saliva overflowing and rolling down his chin. Their foreheads and noses collided when Hokuto drew back his hips to briskly bury himself deep inside, making Taiga’s body twist and writhe as he moaned, his voice again filling the room.
“H-hokuto– I— I’m gonna—!”
“Nnnh–!!”
When Hokuto felt him tighten around him, he stilled his hips to let himself feel Taiga’s orgasm. The tightness twitched around him as he listened to Taiga's harsh breaths and felt his body shudder underneath him. As it passed, Taiga went limp in his arms, his chest heaving in the aftermath while Hokuto rained gentle kisses along his neck and behind his ear.
He was happy.
He was so happy and relieved that he was able to make Taiga finish.
Hokuto wasn't sure what he would do if this whole thing had only been a painful and uncomfortable memory. He wasn't sure he'd be able to forgive himself.
The only thing he wanted to do is fill Taiga with all the love he deserved from the beginning and all the affection he held over their time apart.
Hokuto raised his head when he heard Taiga give a disgruntled whine. He ran his fingers through the back of Taiga’s blonde hair as they turned their heads to face each other, their noses bumping.
“... You're heavy…”
Hokuto couldn't keep himself from chuckling a little.
“I'm sorry…”
“It's okay, but…” Taiga trailed off softly.
“Hm?”
“... You… you haven't come yet, have you?...”
Indeed, he was right. There was no question that Taiga could tell when his still aching and engorged member was still inside him.
Hokuto just smiled as he kissed him gently.
“No… But if you're uncomfortable, we can stop—”
He didn't mind finishing alone if it only meant discomfort for Taiga. Of course, it wouldn't be the beautiful and magical ending that every couple hoped for but sex wasn't always pretty. He would much rather stop now if it meant a more pleasurable first time for Taiga. Naturally, intercourse wasn't something someone had alone. It wasn't the time for him to be selfish.
But Taiga quickly cut him off with a nudge of his shoulder from under him.
“No, that's not what I meant…”
“We can continue… but I don't want to do it like this…”
Hokuto blinked as Taiga brought up his hand to tap his fingers along Hokuto’s chin.
“I want to see you…”
“I–... I want to see your face while we do it…”
“....... Don’t get bigger without saying anything—”
Whatever arousal Hokuto had lost during their short rest was immediately revived by Taiga’s words. He couldn't imagine there was anyone in the world who wouldn't have been turned on by their loved one asking to see their face while they made love, especially from someone like Taiga. In many ways, the request could be incredibly sexually charged, but from Taiga, it was so innocently sweet.
He loved him so much.
He loved him so damn much.
Hokuto apologized again before pulling himself away and out of Taiga to help him roll over onto his back again. He took the other pillow lying at the corner of the bed to replace the one he had stolen from him previously, preciously lowering Taiga’s head onto it.
Taiga looked so beautiful with the afterglow staining his milky skin against the white pillow. The soft feather cushion gently bowed and cradled his image, tousling his golden hair that had now dried from the rain. With the addition of the expecting almond shaped eyes that gazed up at him, Hokuto couldn't resist.
He connected their lips and rolled them in long savoring movements as he moved Taiga’s legs back around his hips.
“I love you–...” Hokuto huffed between their kisses.
“I love you too,” Taiga replied, looping his arms around Hokuto’s neck.
“I love you so much.”
“Hurry and put it in…”
Hokuto wasn't about to refuse as he hooked Taiga’s knees over his arms and lined himself up against his entrance.
Coincidentally, whether Taiga liked it or not, while he could see all of Hokuto’s face and his expressions, he now also had a full view of Hokuto’s manhood slowly pushing back inside him.
What had once put up so much resistance now accepted Hokuto’s length so easily.
He really was being broken down. He was being broken and grinded down into small little pieces before being molded back into a shape that Hokuto could hold.
Taiga held his breath as it sank back into him before Hokuto fetched it with his tongue when he had swallowed him to his hilt. His head quickly began to spin again as Hokuto ended each trust with a long deep grind, moans leaking from his lips while Hokuto pushed him into the mattress with his hips.
“Ahh—... Haa–nnh–... Nnmn…”
Hokuto weaved their fingers together and let himself get lost in Taiga’s scent. He buried his nose into Taiga’s hair, smelling the rain and his sweat with the gentle scent of the shampoo he had long forgotten.
It wouldn't be much longer. He could feel himself reaching his peak as his hips began to quicken, seeking that release.
In a way, he didn't want it to end.
There was only ever going to be one “first time”.
Everything from the moment Taiga found him outside in the rain had put him in a dream-like state, he was afraid he would lose the moment he woke up from his blissful delusions.
He wanted this feeling to last even if he knew they would be together again.
Just a bit longer.
He wanted to be lost in the living dream of Kyomoto Taiga just a bit longer.
“A-aah–! H-hoku— haah–! Nnhh—-!! Aaahh……!”
With Taiga’s hips raised, it was much easier to reach that spot inside him. He could see the pleasure flickering in Taiga’s eyes as he cupped his face, as Taiga's nails clawed at his back.
“H-Hokuto–! Come– come with me—”
“Look at me—”
“Only me—-”
Hokuto nodded, kissing him with their lips messily aligned between their gasps.
“Only you.”
There was only ever Taiga. From the moment they met at the restaurant, there was never anyone else.
“I love you—” Taiga gasped.
“Hokuto— I love you so much—”
Hokuto wanted to cry.
He didn't know love could feel like this.
He didn't know he could feel love like this. A love that made him feel warm from his head to his toes and made his heart want to explode with every beat.
It felt so meaningless before.
Now he regretted every second that passed because it was one second less he had with Taiga, but now he treasured and yearned for every second that was to follow.
“I love you–”
“I love you, Taiga—-”
“I love you more than anything—”
Hokuto pounded himself into Taiga as he began to near his edge. Taiga was also close from the way his moans and whines became louder and longer. When he gripped and began to pump Taiga’s neglected length, Taiga tightened around him.
“N-no–!! W-wait–!! That's— aahh–!”
It was slick from his previous release and made it easy to move his hand. Taiga tried to cover his face with his arms but Hokuto was quick to push them aside to get the whole view.
If Taiga wanted to see his face, then Hokuto wanted to see his too.
“Taiga— Taiga—---”
“I love you.”
A few last quick thrusts and Taiga was coming again. His release spilled over his stomach and over Hokuto’s fingers as he stroked him through the following pulses of his orgasm.
Stars were forming at the edges of Taiga’s eyes. Heat was pulsing through his veins and his head felt hazy but through it all, he kept what focus he had on Hokuto as he thrust through his release before finishing himself.
Taiga cupped Hokuto’s cheek as his rhythm became uneven. As he met Hokuto’s unfocused eyes, he tugged at his bottom lip that was tucked tightly between his teeth and pushed the red marks that it left before the thrusting stopped, leaving only a pulsing inside him.
Neither of them said anything as their chests heaved out of sync. They basked in the afterglow, the room lights revealing the sweat on their skin as Hokuto slowly released Taiga’s legs from his arms to hold the back of his hand against his cheek.
Taiga could feel the heat of Hokuto’s breath as he kissed his palm at the base of his fingers followed by another at the heel. It slowly and languidly moved to his forearm and the inside of his elbow, to his bicep and shoulder before softly nudging and placing under his chin.
It was lazy and romantic, sharing their love in their post-coitus high, but when Hokuto whispered into his ear, Taiga couldn't help but laugh.
“Was it good?...”
The question was so honest. He only laughed more when Hokuto quickly gathered him in his arms, squeezing him tightly within them. Taiga couldn't say he knew what was the right thing to say after having sex but he couldn't say he didn't expect something more sensual.
But this was good. This was fine. He wouldn't complain about it. Before anything, Hokuto was worried about him. From the beginning, Hokuto was far more considerate of him than he deserved.
It made his heart feel so full.
“Mnn… It was good…” he chuckled. “It felt good…”
“I'm glad…”
Hokuto kissed him, their lips clumsy and languid as they locked and rolled with each other. Taiga felt his body growing heavy and tired as he laid there, encapsulated in Hokuto affection and his heat while Hokuto left soft pecks on his cheek. All the while, he had forgotten Hokuto was still inside him.
And the moment Hokuto pulled himself out, Taiga flinched as he was suddenly left with a vacant feeling.
Taiga had heard of the odd clarity that came after sex, but now he was experiencing it first hand as he watched Hokuto remove the spent condom from himself. It was lost somewhere between gross and sexual in the way he could see the semen caught within it. It was gross that the trapped milky fluid would have otherwise been left inside him had it not been for the latex sleeve. Though at the same time, it was the result of Hokuto’s arousal for him.
Hokuto glanced back and forth, noticing Taiga’s observing eyes as he pulled it off his tip. They were so intently watching that he couldn't help but awkwardly laugh as he quickly tied it up.
“... You're staring too much…” he said, tossing it quickly into the trash.
Hokuto pulled some tissues from the box on the bedside as Taiga blinked, letting Hokuto spread his legs and clean the excess lubricant from his body.
“Sorry…” Taiga murmured, feeling like a child from the way Hokuto cleaned him. “I was just thinking.”
“Hm? About what?”
“Mn… Just about what it would have felt like if that had been inside me…”
Hokuto nearly sputtered.
“W-why are you thinking about that??”
“It was just a thought… It wouldn't matter, right?”
“I guess, but–”
“Since I'm a man–...”
“That's true, but—!!”
The soft sleepy laughter that followed disarmed whatever argument Hokuto had left to say.
All he could do was at least put clean underwear on both of them.
“Hokuto?...”
Hokuto raised his head when the quiet languid voice called his name.
It was truly a vision he thought he would only see in his dreams.
Taiga’s gaze was soft and gentle as he teetered on the edge of sleep. His bare chest and neck had marks scattered over it that he had made himself while he rested in the careful embrace of his bed. Years had passed but he was still as beautiful as the day they first met.
But what pricked Hokuto’s heart the most was that the eyes that once glared knives at him were now only filled with a sweet desire and love.
“Hug me.”
Hokuto didn't hesitate to listen.
He gathered Taiga tightly in his arms. A week ago, he thought he would forever forget this feeling, but now it felt like he had held him just yesterday.
The heat of Taiga’s body and the scent of his skin were all the same.
But now they were his.
They were here.
Taiga was here.
He was with him.
Taiga complained that he was crushing him, but he hugged him back all the same. When Taiga cupped Hokuto’s cheek, their lips met, bumping softly before pressing and melting together in long lingering motions.
By the time Hokuto pulled back, Taiga's eyes no longer opened. His breaths were now long, even sighs, signifying his sleep.
As much as Hokuto wanted more time, he didn't dare wake him. He just pulled up the covers and held him in the sanctuary made for the two of them, knowing there would always be tomorrow. And the day after. And the day next.
Hokuto held him the same way he did all those years ago.
He wound his arms around his waist and pressed Taiga’s back to his chest. He buried his nose into the back of his lightened hair and as he rested his lips on his nape, he felt fingers intertwine with his.
Ah. He might start crying again.
He was so happy.
Before he knew it, his feelings came spilling out.
“I missed you so much.”
“I wanted to see you every day.”
“I love you…”
“I've always loved you…”
Taiga didn't reply, but he felt the fold of their fingers tighten as they pressed against Taiga’s chest. That was enough.
He and Taiga didn't always use their words. Perhaps even to a fault. They were scared to be honest, because they didn't know what their honesty would bring. They say actions speak louder than words, but what if there were no words to affirm it?
But now, there was no more doubt. No more hesitation. No more wondering and second guessing.
It had always been love.
It would always be love.
From now until forever.